Am I Growing Up?

As a 20-something I have had more than the average number of crazy nights out. The combination of a stress-reliever paired with a best friend who also has a part time job and is willing to bawl whenever you are in the mood, yip, this combination made for more than dozens of memorable nights.

And I loved every second of it, the late nights the loud music the drunk conversations, mistakes, regrets and great memories. I loved every second of it, I won’t lie.

Since my best friend is a guy, the rules for going out are slightly different. The amount of times I say ‘omw he’s hot’ or ‘should I go talk to that guy?’ is few, if it ever happens at all during a night out. And if it does happen I always, okay majority of the time, consider what my best friend will do while I’m chatting someone up, or having someone chat me up. This was our routine, and since we went out a lot, just the two of us, this was my norm. I’m not complaining or anything, that’s just how things were. And I was fine with it. But then our circle expanded.

I soon had more female friends, and our circle became bigger and nights out turned into ‘who can speak to a guy first’, and every second conversation revolved around ‘omw he’s so hot let’s go say hi’. Now this was fine. I’m obsessed with Geordie Shore so I knew this was ‘normal’. I joined in, made up for lost time, but after a few months of this I became bored. And now, after a few years, I get annoyed.

So what has changed? Surely it has to be me right?

A few months ago, while watching an older friend getting her freak on with a stranger in a club, I was disgusted. At her, at the guy, at the situation, at the fact that making out with a stranger, or multiple strangers, in one night was ‘normal’ and ‘okay’. In fact, sometimes this was the goal as I would soon discover when I go out with another female friend.

6 reasons why 20- something’s should not get their freak on with random’s in a club:

  • Respect yourself to know that you deserve better:

Let’s face it, no one in the room is your type. But there is one guy who is almost your type so just get your freak on with him? Yassss. No. You would not consider him your type in the day light, why is he suddenly your type now that the lights are dimmed? Don’t drop your standards just because you’ll be the only one who didn’t get with someone. That’s okay, chances are the kiss is going to be shit and you’re less likely to feel like crap in the morning when you start to remember how ‘not your type’ he actually was.

  • You are not an object.

You’re dancing, your girls are dancing and you’re breaking it down like you’re Beyonce in a music video. Suddenly you feel hands around your waist and someone’s dancing up behind you. A random guy. A stranger. This might be ‘normal’ but this should not be ‘okay’. You are not an object solely made out of a back and amazing dance moves. You are a woman with a face and a name. If the guy does not have enough respect to look you in the face while you’re dancing, or even bother to get a few words in before he starts to bust some moves more appropriate for the bedroom, then you should not be dancing with him. You are not a faceless object.

  • You are not a 5 minute wonder:

A guy dances with you, busting those same sexy dance moves as the guy from number 2). The song ends, you turn around to say hi, he greets back and then goes back to his friends. This happens to all women. Why did he just do that, you were dancing sexy enough right? I’m sure you were, that’s why he came over in the first place. But he was not interested in your name, he was only interested in grinding up against the sexy dancer for an ego boost. Chances are he will be grinding up behind the next girl who starts busting the same moves you just did. Do yourself a favour, when he comes, move away, turn and shake your head, say no thanks, shake your finger. You’ll feel stronger, as you should, and later when you see him dancing with another girl you won’t feel as shit as you would have if you had danced with him.

  • You are going to regret it in the morning:

There is a strong chance the guy you’re busy getting your freak on with is not going to ask for your name or for your number, and if he does, congrats, but then he probably won’t call and if he does message you where is that going to go? Nowhere. Save yourself that shitty feeling you probably know and get yourself out of the situations. If there’s no situation there’s no regrets.

  • Don’t be Easy A:

Chilled, proving to your friends that you are the girl who speaks to guys first is all good. Just know they probably call you the ‘easy’ when you’re not around. Guys talk too. The morning after when girls are discussing the night out, guys are doing the same. You might not have known the guy, or will never see him again, but guys talk, and chances are he won’t remember your name so you’ll be reduced to ‘that girl I got with last night’, or ‘that girl with the brown hair dude’ or ‘the one wearing a blue top’. You are none of these things. You have a name, and a personality, you deserve more. You might never see these guys again, might save yourself from being reduced from an individual to a ‘the girl with the blue top’.

  • It’s a small world:

While the random make-outs and slut drops might be ‘fun’, existence is a cycle. One day, maybe not a week from now even one month from now, but someday you’re going to meet someone, a guy you actually like, you’re going to go out, do the whole meet the friends on  a night out. And guess what? That random guy from a few months ago is going to be Mr. Potential’s best friend, or cousin, or room-mate, or something. AWKWARD! You do not want to be that girl.

Remember that going out and having fun does not have to always involve guys, if you feel that ‘fun’ is the equivalent to ‘guys’ and the two must mix to exist then you need to sit yourself down and think about this. Now I’m not trying to be a party pooper or anything, I’m first in line waving the ‘let freedom reign’ banner.

Just respect yourself enough as a women to remember that you deserve more than drunk make-out sessions with someone who cannot remember your name.

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